Desperation
by DakotaBeor
Summary: When you have lost someone- It feels like the world comes crashing in on you. And thats what happened to John. But Can Sherlock truly be gone? One-Shot POST SHERLOCKS FUNERAL!


**Desperation**

John paused from looking at the same newspaper front page that he had been for an hour; Folding it upwards and resting it on his shadowed lap as he sighed and brought his hands to his nose, His dark eyes carrying large bags as he glanced around fairly dark room. Taking in every appearance which met his eyes and reminiscing in the good memories which followed them. The door was slightly ajar; Mrs Hudson's soft snores rippling through and into the room, The soft white light from the telescopes highlighting the kitchen, While all manner of Sherlock's experiments fermented where they were placed, Petri-dish Dishes spread across the kitchen table while the world's only consulting detectives trench coat hung across the back of the armchair opposite his sidekick- doctor- friend.

"What are you looking at?"

John turned to face Sherlock, The consulting detective's hands drawn up into the same position as his own. The tall dark, slim man wore his everyday expensive suit, His skin paler than usual as his piercing cold eyes stared right at his own, Reading his thoughts.

"Nothing" John muttered as he turned his head away, The blurred image of the detective still in the corner of his slight tear filled eyes. Sherlock stood upwards and walked around the side of the table, Picking up his dark wood violin which leant against John's chair, His long slender fingers picking at the top few the strings; Their cold notes ringing in the air around them for longer than they should. Further illustrating the silence which hung over them.

"Its not nothing John"

"Stop Sherlock- Just-" The doctor bit his lip and turned away from the detective, Instead turning his attention to the mantelpiece before him; Studying the blade which was stuck deep into the letter which rested on its surface. The soft glow from the dulling lamp beside him reflecting off its surface.

"John- You have to stop this" Sherlock uttered as he moved over and sat on the armchair opposite his friend, leaning forwards as he studied the doctors face. "I thought you were in the army once-"

"Doesn't mean I don't have emotions Sherlock- Not everyone can be like you-"

"Yeah your right" The detective sighed as he leaned back in the armchair, His hands clasping together across his chest as he watched the man before him. "Everyone would be too good"

John laughed for the first time in a long time, before the small smile fell and he shook his head. Refraining his thoughts from the reveries which ran through his head once again.

"John you need to get a job- Move on-"

"No Sherlock just because you haven't got any cases-"

"John-" Sherlock tried to interrupt but a raised hand from the doctor stopped him. John turned back to the detective, His eyes catching the time on the clock before him. It was three in the morning he wasn't going to start fighting now. Not when Mrs Hudson was finally getting her well deserved rest.

"Just don't do this Sherlock- Don't let me get my hopes up"

"John I'm here you know I am" Sherlock exclaimed stood upwards, At no sudden reaction from his friend the detective marched forwards so he was before the doctor, His cold eyes linked with Johns as he bent down to his knee's, "See!". The detective grabbed the doctors hand and placed it over his own pulse, John's face lit up with some laughter as he focused on the soft beating of the detectives heart- The warmth radiating from his wrists seemingly too good to be true.

"No-" John uttered in disbelief.

"Yes John"

"Why? Wait-How did you survive? I SAW YOU FALL" John questioned with excitement, anger and fear, His eyes linked with the detectives as he found that now he knew the truth he couldn't take his eyes off the amazing man.

"It was my dople-ganger- The one who kidnapped the children and poisoned them who fell" Sherlock explained quickly and with less detail than the doctor expected, John frowned but dismissed it as a personal subject. "You should get some sleep John we have some cases in the morning"

"Yeah-" John agreed as he leant back in his used chair, His eyes fluttering on the brink of closing as he watched the detective smile over him as he stood up to his feet, Sherlock walked around his armchair and slipped on his trench coat, Before wandering over to his blue/navy scarf, His eyes always linked with his own. "Sherlock- Don't let this get to your head but, Ive missed you"

"Ive missed you too john- Now sleep"

Johns eyes reluctantly fell closed for a few moments; happiness from his friends apparent life filling his mind with memories and images from their constant cases, The 007 night, The hound. But every good thing must come to an end. While reminiscing something hit him. Realisation. The scene which had just occurred didn't flow like normal life, One moment Sherlock was there as if nothing had happened; settled in without a coat when next he was justifying his existence. Something wasn't right- The fact that he had actually admitted he missed- The doctors eyes flew open as his world collapsed inwards as if they were a ton of bricks, His eyes wide and startled as he searched the room for Sherlock's belongings, They weren't there. Panicking for his friend's well-being the man stepped forwards with his left leg first wincing in pain as a gasp threatened to tare past his lips. His left knee bucking inwards as he was sent tumbling to the dirt smothered floor; Stains from constant experiments and spills littering its surface along with noted and papers from cases. John groaned as he rolled onto his back in the spot he had fallen, His leg not responding as he struggled to move it under himself once again. The doctor roared in anger as he brought his hands to his eyes; pressing the palms inwards as he wished it all away, all the pain, all the fear all the loss. Blocking the glistening tears which rested around his eyes from melting down his face.

"No-" John gasped as he pulled the palms away and instead pushed his elbows beneath himself, Moving his back around to the foot of the armchair to support his body, His hand sneaking outwards as he picked up the paper which was once on his lap. John's dark eyes absorbing the headline before him as he struggled to take in the truth once again.

With shaking hands the doctor let it fall to the floor behind him. The words stained into his mind the whole time and forevermore.

**INTERNET FENOMINALS PATHETIC SUICIDE TO END LIFE- IS NOT A FAKE.**

"No-"

"JOHN!" Mrs Hudson's call echoed his ever darkening mind as she rushed forwards, His hair done upwards in rollers as she felt to the floor by the man. "Is it your leg again dear?"

"Sherlock-" John muttered as he closed his eyes. "It happened again"


End file.
